CAN I PICK YOUR BRAIN?

You think it is a simple question. After all, “can I pick your brain?” does not seem harmful or annoying and even though I know people have no bad intention when they ask me this… I dislike it and so do the CEOs, senior leaders and business owners I know. 

It came to light recently when someone said it to me and it made me feel as though it was very self-serving and non reciprocal. Given I am a Coach, I have strong values and every action I take and decision I make is aligned to these. If not I challenge myself to the rationale.

One of my strong values is centred around giving back and serving others so of course it stands that answering this question would be inline with this, however I am also focussed on building relationships. I always believe any interaction between two people has the potential to be incredibly powerful for both parties.

So what is the difference and why do we hate this?

Collectively, we seemed to agree that we hate this because this question usually comes from people who are not willing to pay for your time or services so it never sits well from the offset. Also, CEOs, leaders and business owners are super busy people with their plate full. Time is currency so that question already becomes equated to being a waste of time. In addition to this, we agreed it is also too vague and general when we are people who want clarity, strong communication and confidence in a direct way to move forward. We are action takers so it is actually appreciated when intention is transparently communicated from the start.

Lastly, in experience we found this comes from a person who takes and never gives back so that person is not aligned to my values in life or business.

What could you do?

Again, leaders and CEOs will naturally be focussed on solution based ways of thinking so it would be unnatural for us not to share what do to serve and help you move forward. My friend, inspiration and CEO of Fully Booked Coach Dan Poulter framed it in this way to me when we had the discussion; “they respect your opinion.” I loved that because I am often in awe of the way Dan instantly builds rapport with his clients and gets them taking action so it is a positive way to see this and be open minded to help someone.

So here is my opinion (with the collected feedback from my wonderful network) on how you could reframe “can I pick your brain…”

Instead, be curiously curious in others.

Explain the reason for reaching out and respectful of their time and also your own. 

Show genuine interest in that person… did something they shared resonate? What do you know about them… maybe a mutual connect or resource they shared intrigued you?

Keep it focussed and not just chat… that you’re hoping to get their advice or help on x?

Share and serve also… what could you offer value wise to that person you are reaching out to. Could there be potential for a future collaboration? Business is about building relationships.

There is much more you can do. The richness of this debate is that it connects you with yourself to raise your awareness on how others see you and it connects you with others in a way that has the power to develop and grow a strong relationship with potential for the both of you.

Has this resonated with you? Be mindful we have all done this at some point… it is about learning, failing fast, growing and investing time in surrounding yourself with the right people in life. From a coaches perspective, it shares how powerful language is and the importance in being self-aware of ourselves.