YOU DO NOT GET TO CHOOSE YOUR BELIEFS

I've spent some time with the wonderful Nicola Rowley over the last few weeks as we both share insights and stories on each others podcast.

We met back in May last year when I had a 1:1 call with her as part of the Mastermind I was on with Lisa Johnson.

I rocked up to that call saying "I don't feel I have a story."

As if Nicola was going to hear that crap!

And like most of the wonderful connections I have met through Lisa, I stayed in contact with Nicola.

Now you'll see over the month or so as we share podcast episodes how we just click. I don't want to give much away but the conversation is raw, transparent and honest...  it seems I do have a story!

One of things I shared on the podcast was about my belief system.

And I clearly remember when I had the difficult decision to make about how I was going to be telling my manager I was leaving the corporate world after 19 years, I found myself seeking lots of advice from my dad: a man who had successfully had a career that meant he could retire at the age of 52 and live the life he wanted.

He said; "I've never met anyone with as much belief as you."

On the podcast, I'd referred to the fact "I don't know where my beliefs come from."

And through working with my mindset coach Renee Houstra, I know this: I am a questioner! She nailed that with me on our first call.

So, you can see why it felt natural since to go away and start understanding WHY I want to know more about how our beliefs are formed.

Here's the thing:

We don't choose our beliefs.

So does that mean we cannot change them?

Well, I ask you this: Do you still believe in Santa Claus?

I rest my case.

We accept things to be true based on our experiences.

But to change beliefs has to go deeper than telling someone to look in the mirror and repeat bold affirmations.

And I noticed in Robert Cialdini's amazing book "Infleunce" (I highly recommend this one) he makes the point about trusting someone's authority on a matter. Example: If a PT tells us we are lifting weights incorrectly, we are likely to defer to their authority, adopt their belief and do what they say.

Authority figures are powerful for beliefs to change and the most powerful of this is centred around our five physical senses.

As the phrase goes; seeing is believing.

It is sometimes impossible for people to believe anything they have not seen before.

Even though astronauts have seen the world is not flat; some people who have not seen it for themselves believe it is.

Likewise, someone lacking confidence in changing their life, leaving that job, leaving that relationship is unlikely to become confident just because someone tells them the opposite or to change their belief.

And of course even 100s of testimonials sharing how incredible someone's programme has been may not be enough for some people.

So, how do you change your belief?

What I noticed in the questioning behaviour is I adopted this to my belief pattern. I started questioning what I was doing that made my belief system so strong?

I wasn't fighting against how I think and what I believe. This leads to failure and what we resist persists.

I was focusing on implanting new evidence and the positive impact this would have on my life.

I started to gather new information and adopt my brain to see what I could not couldn't do.

Where could I be?

What could I achieve?

Have others done it beyond the ones I see?

Could I live with the consequences of both failure and success?

I was investing time in reading about people who were walking the walk and leading lives I dreamed of.

People who were who had traits I wanted to have.

People who were being in life how I wanted to be.

I was backing up my ideas with evidence.

If you are struggling with self-belief and believe you are worthless or will fail, note down pen to paper (science proves higher focus and productivity when we do this) in as much detail WHY you feel this way. Explain in as much detail as you can and QUESTION the responses.

This is the most effective way to relinquish that belief.

It takes more than reading a self help book or even reading a Jim Rohn motivational post even though I love a good Jim Rohn book.

It requires you to step out of your comfort zone to normalise that sense of being and feeling uncertain.

You're wise and you know someone just telling you to go for it may not be enough.

Start breaking it down and building your evidence for why you can do something. Question more. Think for yourself.

Because remember, confidence is a muscle and believe is always part of the breakdown I have in being more confident in anything.

Beliefs change when you have new counteracting evidence.

You must find new evidence that you can trust and offers positive outcomes.

To change your belief, don't add pressure.

Give yourself positive new evidence that counteracts the negative belief.

It is in this process that you remove the barrier between who you are and who you could be.

"Whether you believe you CAN or CAN'T - you're right!" Henry Ford (OK, I admit - motivational quotes help!)